sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So many bounce houses so little time
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
