His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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