She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
