Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
