I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
