I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
