cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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