So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize