Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
