She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
