He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
