brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
