paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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