he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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