I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
