My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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