She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
