Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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