2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
