Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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