I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
are you so shy because you have an std?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
