girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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