Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
