I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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