I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
