Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
