I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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