I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
