Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
