I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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