Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
