Sry I called you an 8
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
