I want to stick my p in your. b.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
