that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize