I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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