My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
