i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
