listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
