Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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