they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
