I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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