I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Randomize
