You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
