Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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