The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
