True but thats because hes a fetus.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
