ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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