i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
