I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
