as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
