____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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