He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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