you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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