I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
