i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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