you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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