You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
