So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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