I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
