is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
