Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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