she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
